Mother's Day Thoughts 2008

I was up at 6:00 a.m. today with a baby/toddler boy who, despite going to bed at almost 10:00 last night, still feels that he should wake at the crack of dawn. I’m sure that on Mother’s Day you would think that my husband would get up with him, and he would if he weren’t in San Diego for some conference for work. (He did promise to track down the moron who planned a conference over Mother’s Day, but that is little consolation.) Of course, if he were here I’d still be getting up because he has the stomach flu. (Room service for toast, saltines and gingerale is $14!) Zach also has the flu which knocks out ½ of my selection of helpful children in one blow. I’m already on my second outfit of the morning because when I picked up Gid, his poopy diaper self-destructed on my front. “Happy Mother’s Day!” I think, “I am having the FULL mothering experience, it just can’t get any better than this!” I can’t speak for all mothers, but my experience with Mother’s Day is that it generates a nagging guilt that try as I might, I can’t shake off. It turns up when the kids ask me what I REALLY want for Mother’s Day and in my heart I know that just for one day I’d like to NOT be The Mom. “How could a real mother think such a thing?” I wonder sadly. I’ve been pondering that this morning and I’ve come up with an answer that works for me. If I were perfect I’d be able to do it all and do it happily. I’d maybe even be wearing pearls (can you say June Cleaver?) All the endless and varied tasks that are wrapped up in the package of Motherhood, would be possible to do (all day, every day for the next 25 years!) if I were perfectly patient, perfectly selfless, perfectly cheerful and had endless hours in the day and an unlimited supply of energy. Unfortunately, I’m not perfect and occasionally (like every 20 minutes) I need a break, so Mother’s Day always seems like as good an opportunity as any to ask for one. Today won’t be break day for me though, so I’m changing my attitude and trying to just appreciate what Mother’s Day is really about: honoring my own mother.

My mom has always felt very uncomfortable with Mother’s day – she feels the guilt even more strongly than I do. But as her child I see clearly why I want to honor her. I honor my mom, not because she was perfect, or even tried to be (which I think she did, much harder than I do); but because she stuck with the job to the end and beyond, discovering the joy that was to be found (if you looked hard enough) in the selfless acts of mothering. We all have to discover what that joy is from time to time, because the job is mercilessly hard and unrelenting in its demands. It is not for the wimpy, undetermined soul who lacks the vision to see it through decades of emotional investment with only small dividends through the years, until the big payoff in the distant future.

But my mom did it and did it well. I celebrate her for laughing at my funnies, consoling my sorrows, telling me my ideas are great and offering me the right amount of advice at the right times. All of this she did even when she was exhausted and cranky and it was the last thing she felt like doing. How do I know this? Because that’s what I do. I know from watching her that the true art of mothering involves selflessly forgetting oneself for a time to be there for your kids. I don’t feel like a failure when my house isn’t clean or when we eat cereal for dinner, but I do feel horrible when my kids want to tell me something they’re excited about and I don’t give them my full attention and enthusiasm. But I’m learning and one day I’ll have it down like she does.

My mom also deserves accolades for the unique things she taught me that help me fill my soul when it’s running on fumes. Lessons like:

Laugh at every opportunity…

My mom loves to laugh and she used to write funny poems about having fat knees or about gaining weight because of the poor starving children in China. One time she took us kids to picket a friend’s house because their strawberry plant was placed too close to the driveway and kept getting run over. We yelled “Equal Rights for Strawberries!” and got written up in the local paper.

If you must clean, move the furniture around…

I could only get excited about cleaning if my mom helped me rearrange my rooms in a totally new and different way or I got to redo my drawers or closets. My kids now are always asking me why the furniture is moved again, maybe someday they’ll understand that if something feels new and fun, it isn’t work at all.

You can pray about ANYTHING and God will answer…

I always knew that my mom had a red phone that God answered personally for her. When my best friend moved and I was so lonely in 8th grade, my mom went on a prayer campaign with me to pray for friends and by 9th grade I found them. I’m so blessed to have had that red phone passed on to me and I use it for my kids.

I guess what it boils down to is that to appreciate Mother’s Day, I just have to appreciate my mother. I have to follow the example she has always set, forget myself and focus on the good people around me. I can always set aside another day for myself (when my husband is in town!) but today I’m thinking of my mom. I’ve never been more grateful that she is still here with me and I love her more than ever. Mom, may your Mother’s Day be peaceful and simple, because that’s how you would want it.

"Gidena" goes Bye-bye

As funny as I thought it was to post pictures of my son in a dress, it made me realize that it was high time that I cut off those curls. So sad, but I guess my last baby has to grow up and become a little boy. sniff, sniff! Here is his haircut blow-by-blow in pictures. He was REALLY good, didn't really flinch or anything (he was watching a Pooh video, which is tradition, while I cut his hair.) He looks so different now -- and he really has a big, football player kind of head. Who knew? Anyway, goodbye to Gidena and Gid's babyhood. He's an official toddler now.
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I Just Couldn't Help Myself!

I know I shouldn't have done it, but I just couldn't pass up the opportunity to see what Gid would look like as a girl! This morning his hair was all in his face. It's super long, but I haven't been able to bring myself to cut off those curls just yet. On a whim, I grabbed a little claw clip and put his bangs up into a ponytail on top of his head. One thing lead to another and before I knew it, I had pulled out a sweet little dress that Hannah wore when she was a toddler and was doing a "Gidena" photoshoot -- creating an imaginary girl twin for my most boyish of little boys. Look at those pictures! It's almost creepy what a beautiful little girl he would make! Ren laughed, but I know in my heart that if Gid becomes a cross-dresser someday, I'm going to get the blame!

And Curty Says...

Curtis is 6 going on 12. He may only be in the first grade, but he hangs out with all of us older people, learning as he goes to do things that all the older kids do. Recently we were playing the game Balderdash with my sister Becky's family while they were in town for spring break. In Balderdash, you are given a real, but strange, word or law or set of initials and you have to write a fake definition to try to fool the rest of the group into thinking it's the real one. This game stretches your mind, even if you have many years of experience to draw from, so I was surprised Curty wanted to take it on, but take it on he did. His answers were so great, I just have to share a few of them with you. The best thing is that we were all having so much fun and laughing at it all, that when we laughed uproariously at his answers, he laughed right along, appreciating the attention instead of being embarrassed by it. Go Curty! So here is what you would have heard from him, had you been here (you're certainly invited to come the next time we play...)

A funny law:

In the U.S. it is against federal law to take...
Curty's answer: a baboon.
(Real answer: the name of Smoky the Bear in Vain!)

Funny words:

Deipnophobia...
Curty's definition: a phobia that is deipno.
(Real definition: fear of dinner parties)

plumbum...
Curty's definition: A person who has a plum for a bum
(Real answer: the scientific name for lead -- who knew?)

Strange Initials:

A.A.R.
Curty's answer: Aronic alligator rascals
(Real answer: American Association of Rabbits)

Everyone should have a six year-old like Curtis to hang out with, he is an old soul in a cute, skinny body and we adore him!

She just came this way...

Hannah is an old and sensitive soul, she just came to us that way. I've always known it, but Monday she proved, yet again, that having one girl plenty compensates for the six boys. She was acting sneaky, whispering with Ren and planning a secret trip to Target. I wasn't sure what was up, but I could tell she was planning something that had to do with me, so I didn't ask too many questions. Later that night, she said she had an activity for Family Home Evening. She left and came back with a bag full of gift-wrapped items for each member of the family. She explained that she'd been babysitting alot and decided that instead of spending her money on herself, she wanted to do something nice for all of us. I recalled a conversation I'd had with her a few days before as I opened my present which was two cute, summery shirts. I had told her that since money was tight for the next few months, she and I wouldn't be able to get any new summer clothes unless she wanted to buy some for herself. I told her that I even felt guilty for spending $6 on sunglasses last week and was frustrated that I didn't have any shirts to wear. Then I joked with her that maybe I should get some babysitting jobs. Well, this is how she responded. She's generous and mature and I'm beyond grateful for her in my life. Not only that, but she's so far ahead of where I was at her age -- I was totally self-absorbed and selfish, I can't even imagine what kind of woman she'll grow into. I guess I don't have to wait too long to see. Love you Hannah.

Arizona Spring

A Barrel Cactus next to a blooming Hedgehog Cactus in the Usery Mountains of Mesa, AZ

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My friend Jenny posted pictures of a hike they took recently in Southern California that was beautiful and green that really made me miss spring in Orange County. Saturday we were watching the General Conference for our church on TV and seeing the tulips and the daffodils on the grounds made me sad for spring in Utah. But, recently our family went on a hike in the foothills of the Usery Mountains northeast of Mesa, and I discovered even in this barren, wasteland there is beauty (if only for one month out of the whole year -- sunrises not withstanding). Here's a few pictures I took along the way:

An Ocotillo blooms in front of a Saguaro Cactus

Close-up of flowers on a Hedgehog Cactus

The fuzzy plants are called Cholla, that long branched prickly thing is an Ocotillo.

Ren and the kids have hiked here on several occasions and they always came back happy and with reports of how much fun they had, especially Eli who ran with Curty the whole way. The hike started out well, as these pictures testify.


Here's Cody and Eli at the beginning of the hike (when it was still fun).

Curtis and Eli in front of the "Elephant Saguaro" (can you tell which one they named that?)

Waaay at the top of that hill is Ren and a few kids (along with some strangers...there were TONS of people out hiking).

Zach and Hannah with Eli on Hannah's back. Still smiling...

...but things quickly deteriorated. And, unfortunately for me, this hike was destined to be a test of my stamina while hiking with a three year-old in my arms, as well as of my patience in dealing with the whining of aforementioned three year-old as I attempted to get him to walk. I think he just woke up too early because he had a rough time of it. He did start out running, but as the ground got rockier he tripped and skinned his knees. Then Hannah and Zach took turns with him, convinced him to get down and walk again only to see him sprawled in the dirt again a few minutes later. He managed to trip yet a third time after another few minutes, and I think that's why he gave up and begged to be carried (by Me). Half-way up to the "Wind Cave" I'd had it with dealing with him so I turned back along with Zach (with Gid on his back in a pack) and Cody. Ren, Hannah, Jonah and Curtis pressed on to the top while we moped back down the slope. I did enjoy the desert in bloom and tried to capture it with my camera. Eli wasn't keen on the idea of being put down while I went off the path for a photo op, so he kept following me in full, screaming tantrum mode and ended up with prickly detritus encrusting his socks and scratching his legs. We eventually made it down and took the "littles" over to a nearby playground until the others got down. So much for our "family" hike, we'll try again next year when the one month window-of-opportunity returns.

When the Oral and Anal Phases Collide

Sure he's cute, but...

I'd like to share with you a conversation my dh Ren had with Eli (age 3) two days ago (as told to me by Ren): warning, it is a little gross, but humorous nonetheless.

Ren looked over at Eli, who had stripped naked AGAIN (a subject for another post), and saw that he was pulling a raisin out of his bum!

"Did you just pull that raisin out of your bum?!!!...We don't put raisins in our bums!....Wha..?! Stop! Don't put that in your mouth!!!! We don't put things in our bums and then eat them!"

"But I want the raisin!"

"You can have a raisin, but not one that you put in your bum!"

Two seconds later, he sees him with a crust of bread...you guessed it...pulling it out of his bum. (Please don't ask why the child was still naked, we are going to pretend that fact is irrelevent.

"Eli! I told you, we don't put things in our bums and then eat them!"

"But I want the raisin!" (back on that topic)

"Eli, you can have a raisin, just not the BUM RAISIN!"

Maybe my next post will be a list of great new names for things that come out of our bums, like bum raisin. Or NOT!