"Holy Hot Weather, Batman!"

Yes, it's summer in Arizona. There is nothing more I can say. I did write this month's humor column on how much I hate the heat here, so I thought this was an appropriate time to share it on my blog (and the fact that I finally got a hard copy, so I'm not spoiling anything.) It was actually printed in the magazine without my tips for coping with the heat (I added them later and apparently they were just a little too off-the-wall or something, but I still like them.) I'm actually in Utah right now spending some quality time with my brother Ben's first child. My new nephew Wesley is beautiful and will get his own blog entry soon. But for now, here is another installment of Mom Humor from Knack Parenting Magazine (knackparenting.com).

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I gave up my small swearing habit several years ago, even though it only ever consisted of, what I call, the “Bible swear words". But picture this Oregonian/Utahan/New Yorker/Californian moving to Arizona last August and you’ll understand why my self-control slipped for a while. It was then I learned the truth: the heat here is a make-you-want-to-swear kind of hot that is deservedly legendary in other states and shocking to a family moving here in the summer! After living here for a week I wrote my parents in Oregon saying, “It’s 112 freakin’ degrees here! (Hotter than SCHNELL!) But it’s a dry heat, so it only feels like 111.”

So how do you stay cool? My first thought, “Water!” was shot down by a disturbing fact: In Arizona, water in the summer never gets cold; it is, in fact, HOT coming out of the tap. “Oh yes,” you think, “That’s normal, isn’t it?” No, it is NOT normal, it is actually quite disconcerting. I used a bathroom in a restaurant last summer and felt steam rising up from the bowl as I sat there. I was VERY confused at first (insert any number of strange thoughts here) until I investigated and discovered the water coming into the bowl was hot enough to produce steam. I’m sure I like my skin nicely steamed as much as the next girl; but usually it happens during a facial, not a potty trip.

The ramifications of this soon became obvious: Visions of my children shrieking with glee in the refreshing spray of a slip ’n’ slide or the family playfully throwing cold, wet sponges at each other as we washed the cars turned to nightmares filled with kids crying from scalded skin, burned in the aftermath of an innocent turn of the hose spigot. A little crazy, yes; but you see, the heat was quickly driving me over the edge. Luckily, divine intervention saved my sanity.

One morning I woke up early and sensed something different. It had rained through the night and was a cool 80 degrees outside. Everywhere, large puddles reflected the clouds still lingering in the sky. I ran through the house shouting, “Wake up kids! It’s not hot outside!” and we had a splash-fest/pajama party in the puddles. I think it was God’s way of saying, “Give it a chance. I’ll help you find a way to like it here, but only if you stop swearing about it.” Sheepishly I thought, “Okay, I’m sure it won’t be hotter than schnell forever.”

Now the heat is here again and I’m trying to stay cool of head, if not cool of body. I’ve even discovered a few tips that will help the Arizona newcomer cope with the heat and its side effects. First, when you find yourself in need of a shower in the afternoon, but by that time of day the water in the pipes is so freakishly hot that there is no adjusting it, I have a solution. Put on your swimsuit, grab your shampoo, soap and a loofah sponge, and jump into the pool, which, by the middle of summer, is as warm as any bathtub.

If public bathing doesn’t appeal to you, here’s another technique I’ve actually tried (but only during off-peak electricity hours): Crank the a/c down to around 74 degrees. Then after you’ve removed your clothes, take your time getting in the shower. Once you’re covered in goose bumps, jump into the hot shower and it will feel SO good!

Finally, if you can’t stand the thought of grilling dinner one more night, try a little propaganda with your family. As you serve them beef stew and homemade bread say, “Ah! There’s nothing like hot soup and warm bread on a hot day!” Slowly they will learn to associate the cozy things of other people’s winter with the chill of air conditioning.

We’ve found that it is possible to beat the incessant heat here in Arizona, it just takes a little creativity. And if nothing else works, we’ll join my 3 year-old and run around nakie for the next 3 months. I may get in trouble for starting a nudist colony in my own home, but it should cut down on the laundry!

I'm a Slacker...

I hate it when time goes by and I haven't made the time to post on the the blog. The blog is my sanctuary, the place where I come to rediscover that I have a brain and it's good for more than using the cable remote to find which episode of Curious George on the DVR list is the one where George goes bowling! Alas, recently I decided it was time to do some projects in the house before the kids go home and no one is here to entertain the "Littles" (besides big brother DVD player). As a result, the blog is suffering, so I thought I'd do a small check-in just to say "Hey!"

So, what projects are we doing? Well, the boys have been suffering from sleeping in a pink bedroom for a year now. (Have we been in Arizona a year already?!!!) But, their room is always such a disaster, that I can't even think of painting it until we clean it, get rid of the clutter, etc.. (you know, if you give a mouse a cookie ...). We (mostly me) finally cleaned it all out and it's ready to go! So what do we do? We go to Home Depot and since we're in the painting mood and the boys are out playing somewhere (hence, not available to pick paint colors) we choose new paint for Hannah and Zach's rooms instead! (Why can't I be the tortoise and do things slow and steady?) I just know by the time I get to the pink room I'll be SO burned out on painting I'll want to tear my hair out, but that's my life.

Hannah and I started her room last night -- it will be a brights color scheme with light orange on three walls and pea pod green chalk board paint on the end one. She's got some fabric with orange, green, purple, blue and hot pink swirls in it that we'll use to pull it all together and lots of fun accessories in all the colors. It'll be great.

Zach's room will be red and blue, 'cuz that's what made him happy. It'll it be too dark for me, but it was an "Oh well," situation and I didn't feel like fighting that battle. The pink room will eventually be red, yellow and blue to appease the three boys. And just for the record, I don't really like painting all that much, it gives me a kink in the neck. In three weeks time I should be nicely misshapen from all the bending and kinking of tendons in my body, but again, oh well, then I'll never paint again! Wish me luck!

Nothing Says "Desperate for Free Food" like Seven People Dressed Like Cows

What more can I say? If you say "free food" to me, I ask "What do I have to do to get it?" I wonder how many of you knew that July 11th was Chik-fil-A Cow Appreciation day? We didn't until I happened to take the Littles there last Wednesday to play in the playland ('cuz it's hotter than Shnell out, dontcha know?) So, they had a pile of cow headbands sitting on the counter and told us that if you wore the headband in on Friday you'd get a free entree and if you dressed entirely like a cow, you got a free combo meal! Woo-hoo! When you have seven kids, these free things can really add up, so we decided to be cows for a day! Unfortunately, Ren was in San Diego teaching a class and Hannah is still on her vacation in Oregon, but the rest of us set to work to successfully carry out Operation Bovine Transformation! We cut out paper spots and stapled them to our clothes (I've always been a fan of the stapler for my quick sewing needs like hemming pants and applying cow spots.) We blackened up our noses, put on our cow headbands and headed off to Chik-fil-A! I wasn't a bit surprised to see some friends of ours from church all dressed up like cows (they have nine kids) -- when you have a large family, you learn creative ways to feed them cheaply. The kids were amazed at how much food we got when EVERYBODY ordered a combo meal! (Usually, we order two or maybe three combo meals and share the fries and drinks.) But we had SEVEN fries, SEVEN sandwiches, and SEVEN drinks -- all for free! It makes my frugal, penny pinching heart sigh with happiness just to think about it! Here's a few snapshots of our Cow Appreciation dinner...




I have also made a groundbreaking discovery in this process: The reason why cows are not attractive is because they moo. If you'll notice, my kids are all MOOING in the above pictures. The mooing face is just not an attractive face in my opinion. But the cheeeeese face, oh yes, much nicer looking (I am utilizing the modified cheeeeese face because I couldn't bring myself to moo). Did you ever see a mouse that wasn't cute? It's because of the cheeeeese face. I'm glad I could do my part in researching this all important topic. So I'll take this moment to thank Chik-fil-A for spurring me to new intellectual heights and for feeding my family for free! What a deal! THANKS CHIK-FIL-A!

Big thoughts on Big Kids

I love having big kids (the "Bigs" as opposed to the "Littles"), but they're starting to pull on my heart-strings a little bit as they get older. I just got back from giving Zach his first official driving lesson. Wow, talk about not feeling old enough to have a child this old! I clearly remember learning to drive (and all of the trouble I got in to in the process) and it is surreal for me to be looking at this man-child who is taller than me and has a voice like my husband's, in the driver's seat of my car driving me down the street. I am constantly wondering "When did this happen?" He's also been composing music this summer and has joined three other guys from church in forming a group called Valiant for Courage. They've been recording a CD of original and church songs the last couple of weeks and I love it! There's such a rewarding feeling watching your child grow up and do things you can admire and relate to (partly because you remember being there not so long ago.) At the same time it makes me feel a little verklempt (to borrow my sister's useful word) as I realize that there is not much time left with him at home.

This mood is magnified by the fact that Hannah left this morning to visit our family in Oregon for 10 days. She has gotten so tall and cute and OLD this past year, I just couldn't fathom that it was my daughter heading off into the wild blue yonder. She starts High School in less than a month and I can't believe it! (I'm such a broken record! Will I still be saying the same thing when I'm older than the hills and my children are grandparents?) I will truly miss her funny sayings and crazy moods and her unfailing help with the Littles. I hope all you people in Oregon appreciate what you're getting!

Okay, so on a funny note... I just have to include one more thing about Zach. He is also VERY helpful with the Littles, but not quite with the same sense of style or instinctive feminine touch Hannah has. This was evidenced by the outfit I found he'd dressed Gid in the other day. It was one of those moments when I was so grateful to have my littlest dressed, but some part of me wouldn't allow him out of the house this way. (Sorry Zach!) We all had a good laugh at Zach's fashion sense. What really matters is that Gid would have been proud to be sporting his stripes and plaid, if it meant he could hang out with his biggest brother Zach.
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Three Days without Sleep (a.k.a Girl's Camp)

Last week I went to our church youth camp with the girls ages 12-18 for three days. I don't think I've been so sleep deprived since the twins were newborns! It was strange to experience first hand the power that sisterhood has over a bunch of females. We laughed, sang and chatted non-stop (including into the wee hours of the morning!) I felt so young and happy and alive being with these girls -- even when I was chasing a few around at 2:00 a.m. after a round of T.P. and shaving cream assaults! Girls just need to be girls sometimes...even when I was dead tired I would fall back onto my air mattress (bouncing my tent-mate Stephanie into the air, sorry Stephanie!) and then instead of falling asleep we just had to talk some more.


I felt so lucky to be up there with Hannah and to see firsthand her cute personality associating with the others. She never complained, she never rebelled, she was always ready to help or go to her class or whatever (as were MANY of the girls there -- what a great group!) I love that Hannah still likes me and wants to be with me, as I do her. We missed our boys, but were happy to get away from the heat and the chaos of homelife for a few days.

Before camp, Hannah and our neighbor Taylor were painting the camp flag when they asked me if they could have an old pair of jeans. I thought Hannah just didn't want to get her clothes dirty, but it turns out the girls wanted to paint the pants! They turned out so cute, I declared them to be the beginning of the "Sisterhood of the traveling painted camp pants" and that each of us would wear them one day of camp. Here's me on the first day, stylishly modeling the pants (which, unlike the book where the pants miraculously fit all the girls and make them look amazing, these did not fit very well and made us all look campy!)

The camp was up in some mountains (I DON'T know my geography here in this foreign place very well) and there was a nice stream/river running through it. We were able to hike to an area with natural water slides and pools and big rocks to jump off of. The girls had so much fun jumping and swimming, even though it was freezing! (refreshing!) I decided to spend my time taking pictures of the girls rather than jumping myself, but when they were done I was a little sad that I didn't take the plunge too.

Here's Hannah coming down one of the rock slides.


Hannah's on the left jumping off the rocks.


Those rocks were HOT on my buns, but I got some fun pictures.


The camp's theme was shining through the decades and each group was assigned a decade to be. We were the 80's! Talk about a trip down memory lane...I even found a pile of 45's (you know, the small record singles we used to play) and brought them up to decorate our camp. We each did a skit based on our decade, so we all got to wear side ponytails and learn the Michael Jackson "Thriller" dance for the skit. Our set fell down and we had a few girls fall off the stage, but other than that, it was um...hilarious!

Our skit was a spoof of "Star Search" and Hannah was Edith McWoman (the female counterpart of Ed McMahon). Doesn't she look cute with a side pony?


Packing up was exhausting (at least these girls would like you to believe it was!)


And I got the privilege of riding home on a school bus with the girls, 3 hours with no air conditioning! When we got home, we stripped and jumped in the pool (after putting on our swimming suits, I'm not that crazy!) Ren and the boys had taken great pains to clean the house (Ren even mopped!) so we'd be happy to be home. I should have taken a picture because the house hasn't looked so good since then. Oh well, we'll just pretend we're camping!