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2014 was a...year!
(Still searching for the perfect word to capture all the chaos and craziness)
According to tradition, I am compelled to share the strange and funny sayings heard around this house over the year. As we're getting older, the hilarious observations that come with little kids are less, but by our very natures, we're still weird so we're still writing it down. Here's to another year of laughing at ourselves!
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Jonah gets out of the car for his early morning class and laments: “Aw, my buns were just getting toasty.” Jen replies: “It’s okay, just carry your toasty buns in your heart all day long.”
Doorbell rings, Jen yells: “If it’s a short guy, tell him Gid can’t play because his eyeballs are contagious!”
Talking about steak Hannah says, “I just don’t like it. It’s like chewing on a hunk of cow.”
Gid has a profound epiphany: “Mom, if I were a frog, I’d have a serious problem”
Mom: “Oh really?”
Gid: “Yeah, cuz look how short my tongue is!” (sticks out his super short tongue, that could NEVER catch flies)
Mom: “Yup. You’d be dead.”
Gid: “Ew! Curtis your feet smell like bad dreams!”
While helping Gid read the long words during scripture time, Ren tells him: “Just slow down and take it one phoneme at a time.” Does anyone sense the irony?
The day our puppy Mikey got “fixed” Eli asked: “Is Mikey getting his tentacles removed?”
Gid is assigned to write about an invention that will be around when he is a grown-up. He announces: “I’m gonna invent the Puppy Maker 4000! You take a boy dog and a girl dog who haven’t been fixed and you put them in a giant metal box. Then you choose on the panel the number of puppies you want, press a button, wait a day and then you have puppies!”
Jonah: “I like sleep. It’s like a time-machine to my next meal.”
Gid says this about 97% fat-free hot dogs: “They tasted like rotten diapers on a Friday night!”
Mom: “I wish I could lose weight from crying. I’d be sooooo skinny by now!”
After Jen and Hannah give Cody most excellent girl advice he says: “You two are like knives through the butter of my confusion.”
Hannah looking at her smoothie: “It’s like ‘My Little Pony’ in a blender!”
Gid wolfing down a plate of pasta says: “When nooders are on the line, I’m on the move!”
During the week of the twins’ play, fake facial hair was found in random places. Finally Ren decreed: “Sideburns cannot live on the kitchen counter! You must observe proper sideburn storage!”
Jonah: “I am a valuable resource. My demand is high and so’s the supply.”
Cody: “Nobody likes 288. It’s just two gross.”
Cody: “That awkward moment at the feminist picnic when they realize nobody made any sandwiches.”
Curtis: “What do you call a world leader’s cynical yet funny reaction after he falls into a canyon? Tsar-chasm!”
Jonah: “What do you call a dinosaur that gouges out its eyes? An Oedipus Rex.”
Curtis: “A couple of Smuckers trucks crashed on the highway. It caused quite a jam.”
Zach — A Hunger Games pun: Katniss and Peeta are looking for Finnick. Katniss says, “Where’s Finnick?” Peeta says, “Odair he is.”
Jonah: “How did God part the red sea? Through Os-Moses.”
Have a Punny New Year! (Groan.)
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