I Dreamed a Dream...

Last night I had the craziest dream! I'm cracking up at how strangely it was rooted in reality. This was my dream...

I was running around with Curtis and Eli through the mazelike hallways of an old house. There was a Tsunami coming and we could see GIGANTIC waves, hundreds of feet tall coming to demolish our whole world. The boys and I were looking for our Sunday shoes because besides being stylish, they also allowed us to fly, so we could escape the impending waves of doom. Eli and I had on our magical flying Sunday shoes, but as happens pretty much weekly, we just couldn't find Curty's Sunday shoes anywhere! I was getting frantic and yelling at him, "Curtis, think! Where did you take them off?!!!" He was crying and saying he didn't know while I ran from room to room desperately seeking but not finding them. I was sinking into despair when another scary realization hit me, "If the tsunamis destroy the world, they will also destroy the server that has my blog on it and I've never printed any of it out!" It was that thought that shot me into wakeful reality and left my heart beating crazily!

I think I have felt every bit as frantic to find Sunday shoes in real life when we are running late, as I did when the world was coming to an end and we needed to get out of there. At least in my dream, finding the Sunday shoes really was a life threatening emergency. In real life it should probably be downgraded to a minor annoyance. Was my brain trying to jive my weekly Sunday panic with a situation that fit the mood better? Well, if it was I don't really appreciate it; I'm feeling a little like my superego is chastising my id and my ego is finding out about it after-the-fact. That's what I get for growing up with a therapist. Thanks alot Freud, I mean Dad!

A Thanksgiving Fairy Tale (Nightmare)

Once upon a time, the pilgrims landed in the middle of Saguaro national forest (on top of a prickly pear cactus, ouch!) It took them hours to pull out all the spines, but they did and finally hiked down into the Phoenix Valley where summer was just beginning. They quickly built little huts out of Saguaro Ribs and roasted their way through the summer (May to October). When October's nights began to cool off, they were so thankful they decided to have a big feast to celebrate their survival of the first summer in He#@! They looked around, but all they beheld was sage, dusty ground and prickly plants as far as the eye could see. So they roasted cactus paddles, crickets and scorpions and hung dead rattlesnakes from the branches of the Ocotillo bushes. The desert plants were blooming purple and yellow and red, so these became the fall colors along with the dusty green of cactus and the dirty brown of um... dirt.

We celebrate this feast today with some of the same foods as well as prickly pear pie and such festivities as the scorpion squish and the three-legged cricket race across the hot pavement.

My Autumn Challenge

Ah, fall. The nip in the air, the crunchy leaves on the ground, the cozy nights in front of the fireplace -- wait, where is that happening again? It occurred to me this morning that it seems so strange to hang my fall wreath on the door when my world does not resemble it in the least! So I came up with a challenge for my boys' blogs (and my own) to write on the subject: "If the pilgrims had landed in Arizona, what would Thanksgiving dinner have been like and what would the symbols of autumn be?" Jonah thought I should open up the challenge to all my bloggy friends, so I am. For those of you who look outside and for whatever reason your world is not the ideal autumnal experience that we celebrate, I want to know what Thanksgiving/Autumn would have been had the pilgrims landed in your state. Anyone is welcome to participate, just comment here and let me know to come see what you came up with. I'll be posting mine after my boys, so they don't get too inspired by reading mine! Get ready for my best sarcasm! (heh heh)

Clarification (Defense!)

In my last post I blanketly announced that kids who are homeschooled are just weird. Of course, I didn't mean my friends' kids (Williams, Christensens, etc. for all those I forgot). Everybody's been asking me, "Are my kids weird?" It was just a generalization and meant only to apply to people not reading my blog, for heaven's sakes! =) Also, for now I'm only homeschooling Curtis until I figure out how to do this (he'll be graduated by that time!) Zach and Hannah are doing well in High School and enjoying it a lot and the twins are loving middle school and would be hard to add in to the mix right now, but might get the opportunity later.

Also, for those few who care, I am totally open to suggestions because I really don't know what I'm doing. I'm basing it on the TJEd principles but would happily add in whatever else has merit and works well. So feel free to email me and let me know what you think.

If you are offended for reasons other than those mentioned above, let me know and I will do some more back-pedaling while I detach my foot from my mouth.

P.S. Curtis has been blogging about homeschool. I'm hoping to encourage his writing this way, but I'll bet he'd want to write more if he got a few comments! His blog is titled, "The mooses blog that has any number of posts" and has a feed on my blog, in the left-hand column.

An Unexpected Confirmation

Karen Packer is to blame, there’s no doubt about that. I never would have even considered it before I met the Packers. But they had to go and be all…normal! What were they thinking? Their kids aren’t weird, nerdy, or socially backward. They’re certainly not the mini-adults I have met in other home-schooled families who want to talk your ear off non-stop about the latest innovation they’ve made on their Lego model of an airplane engine. Nope, the Packer kids are just charming, happy, wonderful children who give a bad name to home-schoolers everywhere. Thanks a lot Packers, because after meeting you, I had to look into home-schooling again – a system of education that terrifies me.

It doesn’t matter that I’ve had nagging doubts about my kids’ education for the last 16 years; I have always had the excuse that home-schooled kids are so mal-adjusted that they can’t function in real society. But recently that false belief has been challenged and I can’t ignore the nagging doubts anymore, especially now that they are screaming inside of my head. Now I have a child who is suffering. Before, the issue was just that my other kids were incredibly smart and I felt frustrated when they hit school that the pace of their learning and their enthusiasm for it diminished markedly. But there is much more to feed my worried mind since Curtis started school. My sweet Curtis, age 7 has more potential and talent than I have seen in any of my other children. He also has significantly more issues in realizing that potential. We’re not sure what the diagnosis will be with him, but I think that he has obsessive compulsive disorder and anxiety. Take a child with these issues and put him into a first grade class room with a woman who has no business being there because she yells and screams at 6 year-olds to get them to comply; and you get a child who is still afraid of school, who walks to the bus everyday, shoulders slumped, filled with angst and sadness. It’s breaking my heart.

I’ve been talking to Karen Packer about home-schooling since last year when we moved here. I saw her phenomenal family and wanted my family to be like that. I first approached her because the schools in our district are considerably more backward and problematic than we’ve ever encountered and I could tell it was going to be a rough year for everyone. But I also had a baby and a 2-year-old at home and I was drowning in motherhood, living in a new city far from home or friends, with no one to turn to for support. I couldn’t even think about doing it. Even now, there’s the tiny little detail of my complete inability to organize my life or stick to a routine. And that’s why home-schooling has terrified me. The crux of it all is that I don’t believe that I could home-school well because I cannot picture it happening. I don’t do anything at home well. I don’t believe in myself. I love my kids and I have many talents, but being a homemaker isn’t one of them. I feel that somewhere (or everywhere) I will fail if it all lies on my shoulders alone. (All being: housework, laundry, cooking, and schooling.) But I’m not alone and it doesn’t all lie on my shoulders. God reminded me of that this morning.

I was reading my scriptures on the front porch in the early morning and I said a little prayer that I would have the spirit with me as I read, that God might be able to teach me something. Nevertheless, as I continued to study I couldn’t keep my mind focused on the words and I struggled with a racing mind. Thoughts of last night’s class writings on the book A Thomas Jefferson Education filled my head and broke my concentration. As I sat in my Five Pillars of Education class the previous evening, I was struck with how these wonderful, strong, intelligent women (and Lance) were describing how this book had transformed their families’ lives. They used the same language in describing A Thomas Jefferson Education as I use to describe my belief in God, Jesus Christ and His gospel. They were like converts and wanted to yell it from the rooftops so others could experience the same joy they had found. I was moved by their passion and their peace in the tough decision to home-school. So as I sat in my chair this morning, with the birds chirping all around, the morning breeze brushing my skin, and these thoughts crowding my brain for recognition, I was hit all of the sudden with an overwhelming confirmation that TJEd was what I needed to do for Curtis and my other children. It was then I began to sob, because it was the same terrifying feeling I had when the spirit confirmed to me that I should have my seventh child. I knew it was what God wanted me to do and I knew even more profoundly that it was something I would never be able to do on my own. I would have to struggle on my knees and deepen my faith in His Son’s grace in my life if I were to even begin to think about it. Well, this time I hadn’t even asked God the question because I was so afraid of the answer! He managed to sneak it in anyway with my simple plea to teach me through His spirit. (That must have given Him a chuckle.) And although it scares me, the answer then and now is a gift from a loving Father in Heaven as well as an admonition that says, “You cannot get too comfortable in your life or you will forget to turn your life over to me.” He knows that with His help I can be so much more than I am, but I can’t seem to remember that lesson and it’s hard to see myself through His eyes. It has been my experience that he won’t give up on teaching us these important lessons; He will only intensify His efforts until we hear. Well, now I hear and I feel His gentle whisper of love and support as He reminds me where I need to go for strength. I also see that His guiding hand has lead me to an amazing group of women who I am sure will help me see the vision of what I need to do. I feel humble and grateful for another lesson that has me in tears but ready to move ahead, taking a step into the dark so that I may find the light.

Someone stinky is following me...

All day long today I was followed around by a disturbing stink. I kept smelling my armpit, checking to see if it was me but all I smelled was Shower Fresh Secret. I couldn't locate the smell and it was driving me crazy! Well several hours later, Ren walks up and I tell him, "Something smells like B.O. and I don't think it's me but it's following me around!" And I demonstrate for him by smelling my left armpit (because my right arm is occupied with something). Ewww! I found the stinky smell! It would appear that I somehow managed to apply deodorant only to my right armpit and not my left, but every time I checked I only checked the right side. Now I'm wondering, if my left armpit offends me, shall I cut it off? If I'm not more careful, next time I might end up like the Black Night from Monty Python's Holy Grail, armless and screaming, "Tis but a flesh wound!" Who knew I was right arm-pitted anyway?

Where there's a will...there's a CAMERA!!!

I got my camera! The planets all aligned and Costco got my camera in again for a reasonable price at the same time my hubby taught an extra class and we got a little happy bonus check in the bank! Yay! I can manipulate depth of field! I have control of my aperture and shutter speed! I am having a blast and have taken about 500 pictures in the last four days (though I've deleted about 400 of those.) Cool thing too, when I went to pick up the camera from the merchandise pick-up, the lady said it was the last one, but then the box was empty. It turns out there were two on display, one on the display stand and one in a glass case. So I got the one in the case and she took another $70 off. We were meant to be together, my little Canon EOS Digital Rebel XSI, I just know it. Here's a few sample pictures. I'm still trying to remember my photography lessons on SLR settings, but it's slowly coming back. Woo hoo! Just thought I'd share my joy!









More posts (with lots of pictures) are in the works, so stayed tuned!