Aha!...Duh.

You've heard of the "Aha!" moments that some people get when an idea strikes them in a new or different way? Well, I have them on a regular basis, but I realized today that mine are of a slightly different ilk. I have the "Aha!" but it is inevitably followed by a "Duh!", at least when it comes to realizations about my own behaviors, beliefs, etc. Let me explain what I mean, with a warning that this post is kind of personal and definitely spiritual. I'm not sure if my blog is the right place to express these things, except that I started this blog with the intent to be able to write out my ideas on life, so I guess it's covered. Just skip this one if you don't want to hear about it.

So, I was sitting in church yesterday listening to a Sunday School lesson when the teacher tells us she felt like she should discuss the following scripture, but she wasn't sure why as it didn't particularly speak to her. Then we read Ephesians 3: 12-16 and she asked us what thoughts we had about these verses.

Here's what they say:

12 [Christ Jesus our Lord]..In whom we have boldness and access with confidence by the faith of him.
13 Wherefore I desire that ye faint not at my tribulations for you, which is your glory.
14 For this cause I bow my knees unto the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
15 Of whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named,
16 That he would grant you, according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with might by his Spirit in the inner man;

During the discussion people were mostly talking about the need to have confidence when we approach the Lord for blessings and knowing that Heavenly Father will bless us with all that He has as we live righteously. Well, I'm sitting there thinking, "I already approach the Lord with confidence. Look, I prayed for some couches for our family room and He blessed us with MORE than what I asked for. And I prayed for Ren to find a car that would be great for him and not break down and be a blessing to him, that we could afford and we got that too." But then I realized that as wonderful as these blessings are to us, they are temporal/material things. And it seems that the Lords greatest blessings for us are eternal and spiritual in nature. Verse 16 says that He would grant me the blessing of being "...strengthened with might by his spirit in the inner man." As we talked about trials and how he blesses us, I was thinking, "What are my trials right now?" And I realized that the hardest thing for me at this stage of life is the endless, day-to-day dealings with Eli and Gid (ages 2 and 1). But did I ever pray with confidence for the Lord to strengthen me that I can do my best for and have patience with them? Nope. I pray occasionally for help with them, but not with a whole lot of confidence. Doesn't my inner man need strengthening a whole lot more than my outer woman needs cute couches? I think so. It was an "Aha!" moment but followed by the "duh" because I've thought about the Lord's purpose in sending these two children to me alot over the past 2 years. They are both more intense and harder to deal with than the other five and have brought me to tears of frustration on many occasions. The only answer I've come up with is that having them will give me a reason to rely on the Lord. So I knew already that I needed to ask Him for help, I just haven't been. Duh. Thank heavens for inspired teachers and for God who loves me and nudges me to seek understanding and help instead of toughing it out on my own. Maybe I won't have to have another "Aha!" maybe I can just learn the lesson and move ahead with confidence. Thanks for letting me share.