Say Merry Christmas with a Funny Quote!

In case we missed you with our letter, or you just want a Christmas giggle, here are the funny quotes from our house this year. Jonah had so many funny texts, he got his own post, see below.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

CHRISTMAS MORNING OBSERVATIONS 2012
Curtis about his new Perplexus: “This thing is so annoyingly awesome!”

Hannah about her super comfy orange blankie: “It’s like laying in a pile of dead bunnies!”

HANNAH LOVIN’ ON HER BROTHERS
“Cody, you handsome hunk of man flesh, would you please bring me the cider?”

“Jonah, stop smelling like a delicious man.”

LIFE FROM CURTIS’ POINT OF VIEW
After checking the pool chemicals which were not balanced; hence, no swimming: “Another day ruined on account of science.”

Curtis’ morning trivia: “Which continent has the largest variety of habitats?”
Eli: “Africa?”
Gid: “Las Vegas?”

RANDOMNESS FROM ELI
“Mom, is Gigi one of my cousins or one of my grandmas?”

(in a wistful voice) “Guys, I really want to go to Nauvoo so I can see the Salt Lake Temple.”

“Gid, your skin feels...
paquonchinatous!”

GIDDINESS FROM GID
To Curtis while riding on his back: “I’ll hold on to your chest hair.”
Curtis: “I don’t have any chest hair.”
Gid: “ALL animals have chest hair!”

Whispered in church: “I’m the bored-est pig in the barnyard.”

After being startled by mom: “Whoa! My heart was beating faster than a chicken!”

When sharing something he wrote with Hannah: “I’ll just read it to you because...uh...
you don’t really know how to read.”

Another conversation with Hannah: 
“Hannah, what is your butt made out of?”
Hannah: “Um...cells?”
Gid: “No, it’s made of beautifulness!”

THE PARENTS
Phonetic silliness: 
Jen to Eli: “That would be re-dickle-ous.”
Eli replies condescendingly: “Mom, it’s not redicklous, it’s re-dick-lee-ous.” Okay then.

Jen: “Gid, do you remember how to spell platypus?”
Gid: “I used to...yesterday.”

Explaining to the little boys why they can’t be homeschooled, Ren asks: “Do you KNOW why we stopped homeschooling?”
Gid: “Cuz we’re facing the facts.” Yup, that says it all.

Jen to Hannah: “You can’t be perfect all the time. If you were, then you would get taken to heaven and I would miss you.”

Jonah's Ride Requests: Fall Semester

Jonah has to text me every day to remind me to pick him up -- he has accepted this fact and even embraced the responsibility as an opportunity to let his creative juices flow, sometimes in a flood of hilariousness. I included most of these in the family Christmas letter, but in case you missed it or just want to read the rest, here's the whole enchilada from fall semester of Jonah's junior year.

****************************************
“Houston to mothership, prepare for rendezvous.”
“Negatory Houston, fathership has already launched.”

Shuttle ready for docking captain. Prepare for a greeting party?

Starship Jonah is ready for takeoff.

LITERARY
Limerick:
There once was a twin at school, 
When the bell rang, he left, per the rule.
Then in a text he cried, 
“I do need a ride
And preferably in the car that looks cool.”
Response:
The car that is cool is gone
Required by Dad to move on.
But the beast of a car
Still drives near and far
And will soon go pick up the son.

Haiku:
Son waiting for ride
Hoping for mother to drive
Come pick me up, please?
Response:
Father’s already gone
The cool car is almost there.
Enjoy the ride dude.

But soft! What light through yonder mobile communications device breaks! It is the son. Arise, fair mother, and retrieve the son, who is already stooped with exhaustion and slight impatience with his schoolmate. (Romeo and Juliet)

To drive, or not to drive? That is the question. Whether 'tis nobler on the road to suffer the cut-offs and lane switches of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of bad drivers, and by opposing end them? (Hamlet)

COMICAL
Yo yo, we clubbin’ tonight? (Brian Regan)

Please to be sending a ride, please. And if you get peanut butter, get SMOOTH. (Brian Regan)

Behold, thus saith the son, bringest thou the metal crate that thou mightest bring the son hometh, that he may rejoice , and partake of the meat, and the fruit, and the fruit snacks, and the wheat, and the wheat by-products, and the pretzels, and the fruit bats, and the breakfast cereals, and the soups of thy home.
Transportation 2: 35 (The scriptures with a little Monty Python)

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a boy in possession of a large schoolbag must be in want of a ride. This has never been more true than in the happenings of Higley High school, where a young teenager was behind a building with his mildly annoying schoolmate. (Pride and Prejudice)

HISTORICAL
When in the course of daily events, it becomes necessary for one boy to request the transportational vehicle that connects him to another and to assume among all hours of the school that the parental figure shall assume the station of chaufferism to which the laws of nature and of nature's car entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of teenage-kind requires that they declare their need for a mode of transportation. (Declaration of Independence)

Four score and seven minutes ago, our bell system brought forth a new class period, conceived in liberty and dedicated to the proposition that all languages are created equal. Now we are engaged in a great Patience War, testing how long we must wait for the transportation of our persons. (The Gettysburg Address)

MUSICAL
This is the text
that goes with the name of the contact
and this is the contact, so this is where it goes
has nothing to do with the message so we'll say
"Hey, hey hey hey hey hey hey hey (I need a ride)!" (The Jonah Movie -- Veggie Tales)

Wheels, glorious wheels
we're anxious to drive it
four axles a day,
our favorite ride!
just thinking of rolling circles
gives us lots of feels
for wheels, wonderful wheels, marvelous wheels, gloriouuuuuuuuuuuuuus WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELS. (Oliver!)

Dough, you use to buy some gas
Ray, the street near where I am
Me, the person who needs a ride
Far, not really, just a mile
So, I really need a ride
La, I'm singing while I wait
Tea, not something that I dtink
that will bring us back to do re mi fa so la ti do so DO! (The Sound of Music)

Cars for the merchandise, cars for the button-hooks, cars for the fancy goods, cars for the hard goods, cars for the noggins and the pickins and the firkins
Cars for the hog's head cask-can demi-john, cars for the crackers and the Jonahs and the fly-paper! (Music Man)

Once there was a Jonah, Jonah, Jonah
Once there was a Jonah, tall, tall, tall
In the lot he waited, waited, waited,
in the lot he waited for mom, mom, mom (Primary Children’s Songbook)

Keep walking, but you won't get very far
Keep walking, but you really need a car
It's plain to see, it's way 
below the par to keep walking, when you could go drive a car
IT'S PLAIN TO SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, (I see!) it's way below the par to keep walking, when you could go drive a caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar. (Veggie Tales -- Josh and the Big Wall)

For a car with a driver helps the Jonah get home, the Jonah get hooome, Jonah get home
For a car with a driver helps the Jonah get home, 
in the most delightful way (Mary Poppins)

Response:
A mother cleaning up her nest has very little time to rest
While folding up the clothes of all her kids. 
With every task she undertakes, she wants a piece of cake,
A doughnut, some chocolate, she'd love a sweet pastry...

Are you busy? Busy? Dreadfully busy? Have I no idea what you have to do? 
Busy? Busy? Horribly busy? Or can I get a ride home from you?
(Veggie Tales: The Good Samaritan)
My response was from Veggie Tales--Josh and the Big Wall:
Keep walking...heh heh. JK.

One daaaaaay, while he was waiting for his mommy, he had a pack, his big backpack.
He wiiiiiiished that he could take it off his shoulders, his heavy pack, the big backpack.
A paaaaaack like this would make him feel so handy, but heavy this, and heavy that.
The spleeeendor of his pack was nonexistent, it was quite large, quite large and fat.
I will feel well if I take off my pack. The sun's getting hot and I really might fall flat.
A pack as this, a pack as that, a big back pack, his big back paaaaaack! 
Oh hurry Mrs. Mommy before my friend and I go splat! (Funiculi, Funicula -- heard in Veggie Tales)

Why are there so many songs about rides home?
And what's at the other's house?
Walking's fulfilling, but only elusive, to those who live way nearby.
Some choose to move and some choose to just leave school, but I know they're wrong, wait and see.
Someday we'll find it, the leaving connection,
the walkers, the wheelers, and meeeeeee. (Kermit the Frog, The Rainbow Connection)

It isn't good to be alone, it isn't good.
So if you could give a ride you really should, 
so you and your son can be together... (My Turn on Earth)

AND FINALLY....

I wish you a Merry Christmas,
I wish you a Merry Christmas,
I've wished you a Merry Christmas
so come get me right now. :)
Response:
We won't go until you say please,
We won't go until you say please,
We won't go until you say please,
so say please right now!
His response:
Please?

Peace Be Still

I’ve been preparing to accompany our congregation’s choir for our Christmas performance today and we’re singing a FORTY-THREE page cantata! The music is so beautiful, but some of it stretches my pianistic abilities. I can sight read almost anything, but the technical aspects of my piano playing are still a work in progress. When it comes to crashing octave jumps and 5 note chords all over the place, I can do it, but with practice. 

Well, I’ve been practicing and practicing and practicing, even dreaming of the notes and I’ve got most of it, but I’ve been feeling stressed about it. I know that usually when I perform I do well, but that extra jitteriness affects the passages that are hardest, making it inevitable that I mess up, sometimes small, sometimes HUGE! I have wanted to get this music down so I can support the choir, because I know that when I am hesitant they are too. So yesterday as I still was making mistakes my guts were just churning with anxiety for today’s performance.

I took some time to attack the anxiety with my arsenal of emotional and holistic tools: attacking the anxiety with essential oils, positive scripting, reverse polarity exercises and lots and LOTS of prayer. I felt a little relief but still that internal shaking and sense of dread persisted. 

I finally sat down to practice again in the afternoon and felt like I got worse and worse instead of better. I was starting to despair, wondering if I’m just too emotionally unstable to successfully conquer this issue, when my mind tuned into the words of the piece I was playing. The cantata is about Christ’s life and I starting thinking about Him, picturing Him front and center in my mind. As I did, I felt a calm come over me and my hands and insides stopped shaking. I felt hope and peace. I felt assurance and confidence that I wasn’t alone and that with His help, nothing was hopeless. I played for over an hour. If I let the image slip from my mind I would lose that sense of calm and start to get worked up again, but no sooner would I cast my mind to Him than I would feel the peace return. It was nothing short of a miraculous answer to prayer.

I’ve always known that Jesus Christ’s grace is real and works in my life daily, but I don’t know that I’ve ever felt it so tangibly as I did yesterday when He calmed the storm that was raging inside of me. The words “Peace be still,” are for me just as surely as they were for a band of frightened fishermen 2000 years ago. (Mark 4:39)

Emotions are NOT Feelings, are they?

If you were a stranger and walked into my house today, you'd have no doubt what our family culture finds important...here's two examples:

This morning I overheard a conversation between Eli(8) and Gid(7) that went something like this:
Gid says to Eli, "I was just writing in my journal."
Eli: "You're not going all "Diary" are you?"
Gid: "No, it's just a journal."
Eli: "But you're writing down your feelings!"
Gid: "No, I'm writing my emotions! Emotions are NOT feelings." (Note: We'll have a chat about synonyms soon!)

And then just a second ago, Gid comes running upstairs yelling, "Mom! Quick! I need Lavender, Melaleuca and a band-aid!"

We're all about being self-sufficient here in the Byers house, just not in the ways you'd normally expect. Haha!

A Tale of Curtis

Curty had an assignment at school to model a "tale" after a book. They used a website called little bird tales and he got to add pictures and narrate it. The format is from the book, but the words are all his. It was too cute not to share. :)

• Click to view my tale.
• 

Bumpy Weather on the Homefront

So I get to find out what kind of day Gid had in 1st grade by looking at his folder. Sunny is awesome, cloudy not so good (and the weather goes downhill after that.) Yesterday, Ren took out the folder to check and there was a cloud. I try not to make too big of a deal out of these things, so I casually asked Gid what happened. Oh my, it was the best moment of the day. His explanation went something like this:

Gid: So you know how we had hot dogs for lunch yesterday? Well, I ate my hot dog and then I just had my bun left and I looked at it and then I picked it up and yelled, "HEY CHRIS, GO LOOONG!"

Me: (stifling giggles) You really threw it?!

Gid: Yes!

Me: (totally stifling more laughter) Gid, we don't start food fights at school.

Gid: Fine.

How many times have I had to say, "We're in trouble with this one,"? Well, here's one more. No more Captain Underpants for this child.

It Was a Dark and Hairy Night

 The fair damsel and her mother, the queen were sick of being left behind while the six princes went on dangerous quests with the king into lands unknown. Bored with the monotony of trying to maintain their lustrous locks and porcelain skin day in and day out, they were desperate for some adventure to come rushing in. Well, excitement waited just around the corner...a dark and hairy beast prowled the corridors. The queen pulled an aged sword from a long forgotten trunk and told her daughter they would vanquish the beast this night, or die trying. Pretty romantic, huh?

The queen and her daughter, crept up on the beast. The queen threw the sword to her daughter while she distracted the hairy one. When the beast turned on the queen, the fair damsel tossed the sword back to her mother and together they fought in turns, jumping in for a swipe then darting out again while the other took her turn. Just when they thought all was lost, the beast becoming more ferocious than ever, they devised a plan to use their feminine wiles on him. Using their melodious voices,they lulled him into a dreamy, contented bliss while they finished him off! 

When the men returned, the women proudly displayed their conquered foe, proving once and for all...a pair of women with determined hearts can conquer the most formidable of creatures.

Or you could say...Hannah and Jen decided to cut the dog's hair with scissors. It was an interesting adventure. The boys laughed to see such a sight and the girls...probably won't be trying that again any time soon.